Alasdair Keith Gardiner

In Australia if you speak a few languages, people will constantly ask you where your parents came from. This can cast your mind to the pasty-white skin of your monolingual Anglo-Saxon parents, who would often speak extra loudly to foreigners, as if they were deaf. If you grew up in the Brisbane suburb called The Gap – as much a void in space and time as the name suggests – then this scenario is especially likely.

As a youngster, Alasdair always wanted to leave Australia. Then he lived out many-a-dream by living in two foreign countries, travelling to many others, learning languages and life lessons along the way. But to avoid making him sound like a douche, it's worth noting that he also encountered many a mishap along the way. And since then, he has decided to reside in Australia once again, indefinitely, with a smile like Julia Roberts' in Notting Hill, minus the Hugh Grant.

Now he's here to present the introspective insights he gained on his own language, culture and identity on his journey, all the while letting his inner-bogan shine! So, buckle in, as you experience the key reason Alasdair learned all these languages in the first place – to say stupid things to more people.